DWP human wet wipe Mel Stride needs binning at general election

  • Post last modified:May 29, 2024
  • Reading time:6 mins read

It’s not been a good first week of general election campaigning for Rishi, has it? Along with an abysmal few days full of embarrassing press moments, he seems to have been deserted by all his pals in the cabinet. What other explanation can there be for how much the DWP‘s wet wipe Mel Stride  – MP for Devon Central – and his annoying face has been all over TV?

It’s no secret that I cannot stand the secretary of state for the Department for Works and Pensions. The Tory goon has spent the past two years fearmongering about workshy scroungers who are committing benefit fraud and coming to steal your pensions. 

At best he’s another over-privileged tosser who’s never had to worry a day in his life. At worst, he’s an evil pathetic little man who seems hell-bent on destroying disabled people’s lives with his disgusting policies and constant dangerous rhetoric.

Rishi no mates

So imagine my glee when I discovered, whilst I was preparing to write this, that ol’ wet wipe had been gurning all over the breakfast media circuit yesterday morning. 

You can really tell how little the Tories want to be associated with Rishi when the person being whored out to the media the most (second only to Cleverley) is someone who most reporters would’ve gone “Who?” about a year ago. Whilst he may be called a ‘top Tory’ by some papers, if you look at the cabinet homepage he’s not even in the top 10. The DWP boss is all the way down at ranking number 16.

Ever Rishi’s faithful little gimp, Mel, was across all manner of media – and the word vomit just kept coming.

DWP Mel’s daily gaff dump

When LBC’s Nick Ferrari asked him if he could rule out any announcements on income tax thresholds he smarmed, ‘It isn’t for me to start announcing policy on the hoof.’ which is weird because that’s exactly what he seems to be doing with anything concerning the DWP and disabled people.

On BBC Breakfast he said there’d be no sanctions for parents of kids who don’t want to do national service. It took all of six seconds for him to contradict himself and say the government would be looking into incentives and sanctions.

But his really truly inspired moment came when he decided to pull out a totally original nickname for Keir Starmer.

Absolutely nee banter

He told Kay Burley:

‘He should debate with the prime minister every week and we should be applying that scrutiny so we can actually find out what No Idea Keir is all about’

When Kay congratulated him on it he desperately said ‘I made that up this morning did you like it?’ exactly like a sad little yes man yearning for daddy’s approval would.

Well if we’re doing ‘clever’ nicknames Mel you already know I’ve got one for you – and a new slogan to go along with it too. Having previously branded him the Human Wet Wipe, I today would officially like to gift you all with a new campaign idea.

It’s time to bin the DWP wet wipe, Devon Central

What is clear is that Mel’s got about as much chance of being in charge of the DWP in two months’ time as the amount of disability benefit fraud was committed last year – almost zero.

However, there is still a very very slim chance that he could still be an MP after the next election. I say ‘very very’ because Electoral Calculus currently puts his chances of holding onto his seat in Devon Central at just 17% (though EC has been wrong before.)

There’s nothing the rest of us can do now but urge the people of Devon Central to vote this fucker out. 

Judge him on his voting record not just his shite jokes

This is a man who has consistently voted for the privatisation of the post office, raising uni fees, and against LGBTQ+ rights. Some other things he’s against are landlords having to pay to make their buildings safe, stronger fire safety measures, and even improving air quality. 

On the DWP and welfare he consistently voted for the bedroom tax, reducing welfare spending, and increasing the state pension age. He voted against giving those with long-term disabilities or illnesses that mean they can’t work a higher rate over the years. He also voted against raising DWP benefits in line with inflation.

In parliament, he voted to reduce local government funding and against local governments having more power. And in his own constituency, he has been accused of not holding surgeries and forgetting his constituents in order to rise up the ranks of government. On that last point, I can’t help but agree.

You know what to do Devon

This is a man who is desperate to cling to power that he doesn’t care how many disabled lives he ruins on the way. But his time is ending, as it is for hopefully most Tories.

So Devon Central this all rests on you now. Surely you don’t want this man sticking around for another four years?

Time to show up and bin the wet wipe for good.

Featured image via the Canary

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