Perhaps people of the far-flung future will look back on the old-fangled times of Twitter-turned-X and wonder was 12 August 2024 the day the gammon-peasants of Britain-web finally signed away their bigot-hive minds to the right-wing ‘GBeebies‘ bourgeoisie? That is, if the wranglings on this bygone hell-scroll about the Magna Carta are anything to go by.
However, if history is written by the victors, it won’t be the insufferable political commentator Alex Armstrong whose story goes down in infamy. At least not by today’s reckoning. Monday 12 August 2024, the good people of X roundly eviscerated his latest trash take.
Magna Carta: biting the dust, or merely gathering it?
It all began when Armstrong dusted off the dusty annals of a repeatedly debunked right-wing trope:
Starmer is erasing 800 years of rights within a month of becoming PM. What do you think historians will write about him?
🪦RIP🪦
Magna Carta
1215 – 2024 pic.twitter.com/zJkBQkqwTp— Alex Armstrong (@alexharmstrong) August 11, 2024
In fairness to the guy, he can count. It was indeed over 800 years ago. However, as the Secret Barrister pointed out, it was also that long ago that it was relevant:
I think historians might say that Magna Carta 1215 was signed in June 1215 and annulled in August 1215. https://t.co/jsNuOve2g2
— The Secret Barrister (@BarristerSecret) August 11, 2024
But maybe we’ll let him off for his historical sleight. After all, it’s almost as long ago that Armstrong was too – oh no hang on, he was never relevant. More to the point, people on X highlighted that the Magna Carta was also completely irrelevant to courts sentencing the far-right criminals from the recent race riots:
I see the apologists for rioting, violence & hate speech have now reached the Magna Carta level of desperation…#FarageRiots pic.twitter.com/rCEnOjpNWg
— Tim Powell (@powell_tim) August 11, 2024
Dumbass Armstrong continues his anti-Starmer rhetoric and gets it wrong, again.
Labour have changed no laws on free speech, and the Magna Carta has zero bearing on today’s laws. https://t.co/Okbn1vhHqE
— Darrel 🏴 (@crashballcentre) August 12, 2024
Admittedly, the Magna Carta’s almost immediate demise in 1215 wasn’t quite the end of it. Some right-wingers seized on this. Specifically, it was purportedly reconfirmed 32 to 42 times between the 13th and 15th centuries. What swiftly followed though was a live re-enactment of the Bayeux Tapestry – if the fascists gammons were Harold getting pierced in the eye:
The Magna Carta clauses had been repealed by the end of the 19th Century. It was written by 13th Century wealthy Barons to protect their land and property. The rich protecting the rich. Armstrong is either thick, manipulative or both. As are his followers https://t.co/MOrnNS6aG1
— Revolution Breeze (@SueJonesSays) August 11, 2024
I see the gammon are up and about shouting ‘Magna Carta’ with, as usual not the slightest idea what the Magna Carta is or why it is irrelevant to their desire to see less Brown people at their local Greggs.
Hint: It’s not the Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen
— RS Archer (@archer_rs) August 12, 2024
I know, wrong century, but when did the true course of history matter to the right-wingers clamouring on X? Largely, the original artifact was by barons, for barons. That is, if you weren’t landed, or aristocratic gentry, the charter meant squat:
Magna Carta is like a safeword that idiots yell out, as though some magic spell, when reality is upsetting to them
But all that happens is thousands of people mock them for not understanding history, law or what the Magna Carta was (and for whom) pic.twitter.com/16yM9whCiY
— Will Black 🍓🍄🚀 (@WillBlackWriter) August 11, 2024
Jesus christ you bigots are thick… The Magna Carta that only applied to wealthy land owners and was only ever legally binding for 3 months….
Trying to appeal to the conspiracy loons I see— Clifford 🇪🇺 (@holte) August 11, 2024
The Magna Carta only applied to Free Men (Lords and their families).
Peasants who were the property of their Lords and about 99% of the population gained no rights from it at all.
You are a peasant stop quoting the Magna Carta like it applies to you.
— BladeoftheSun (@BladeoftheS) August 11, 2024
It sure as hell isn’t protecting any working-class communities now from elite, wealthy forces today. Whereas, the European Convention on Human Rights (ECHR) that the right-wingers are so keen to do away with, is:
It’s ironic that a lot of the rights people are saying they have are due to the Magna Carta are actually from the Human Rights in the ECHR.
The very ECHR that many of the anti-immigration advocates have been trying to remove. pic.twitter.com/CsP65JN0cD
— EvilSmiff (@EvilSmiff) August 11, 2024
Law of the land
In fact, the final vestiges of the Magna Carta in law today comes in just three small passages. Clause 1 protects the freedom of the English Church. Clause 9 governs the “ancient liberties” of the City of London. The final one, clause 39 stipulates the right to due process under the law. Before any Reform goons giddily “gotcha” me, this says that:
No free man shall be arrested, or imprisoned, or deprived of his property, or outlawed, or exiled, or in any way destroyed, nor shall we go against him or send against him, unless by legal judgement of his peers, or by the law of the land.
As it happens, parading on violent, racist, Islamophobic pogroms is going against the laws of the land.
Anachronism and massive wanker misinterpretation aside, Starmer also hasn’t changed said laws:
Care to highlight exactly which articles of the Magna Carta he is erasing?
Also, I haven’t seen any new laws passed to erase anything. Any laws being used were already in existence. That means all he is doing is applying the law as it was written by previous govts.
— Paul Kendrick (@PAKendrick) August 11, 2024
Thanks to the owner of this place, lots of people who’ve never been to Britain are bemoaning how Keir Starmer has killed freedom here forever.
Except: Starmer hasn’t passed a single new law in relation to the unrest. All he’s doing is overseeing enforcement of existing laws. https://t.co/1jOf48Q34t
— James Ball (@jamesrbuk) August 11, 2024
But we thought the right-wing loved a good book-burning:
Can’t believe the MSM isn’t covering the public Magna Carta burning – shameless omission https://t.co/7s0tnwIu7O
— Jacob Dylan Jarvis (@jacobjarv) August 12, 2024
Of course, that’s how easy it is to rewrite history to any fucking story you want. It’s also this very anachronism and twisting of facts that has let frothing at the mouth ‘free speech warriors’ run riot – quite literally – across this not-so green and pleasant land. Because when it comes down to it, they invariably mean the freedom to hate, discriminate, harm, and oppress marginalised communities.
Oh wait, my mistake too. The dunder-headed apes losing their collective minds doesn’t quite happen until the Musk monkey-brain implant takeover of 2033. You know who I mean by that – and it’s not humanity’s closest species cousin.
If there’s one thing about the 12 August historians will never forget, it’s that creepy as fuck AI painting of Keir Starmer. The rest – Armstrong, Farage, and his rancid ilk – should be consigned to the dustbin of history. But not before we kick their racist, fascist asses, and the capitalist establishment they represent into yesteryear, and leave them there to wither.
Feature image via X – Alex Armstrong/Wikimedia – Clem Rutter/Youtube – GB News/the Canary
