Exit poll throws up more question than answers for Starmer

  • Post last modified:July 4, 2024
  • Reading time:6 mins read

What began outside Number 10 Downing Street in the pouring rain has just ended at 10pm at polling stations across Britain – but began again with the exit poll.

Exit poll: Labour getting a lower vote share than Corbyn…?

It looks so much more brutal when you see it on a big screen. Laura Kuenssberg could barely contain her glee and the days of Boris Johnson on a bench and inadvertently letting the postal vote cat out of the bag are long forgotten.

If the exit poll is anywhere near correct, and I have no reason to think it isn’t, the Labour Party has utterly trounced the Tories — despite potentially picking up a lower share of the overall vote than Corbyn’s Labour in 2017 — by way of default.

By the time you wake up in the morning — if you’re not keeping up-to-date on tonight’s events with the Canary  — and you catch up with the news, you’ll have a grinning Starmer on your screens dedicating Labour’s landslide victory to his parents, before surprisingly revealing his dad — who must be turning in his grave at what has become of his compromised son — was *drum roll*… a tool maker.

Everyone’s a winner – except us

The corporate media have got the result they desired. Having to defend the Johnson, Truss, and Sunak administrations, day after day, would give even the most hardy of Tory hacks a rough idea of what it was like to be Jeffrey Dahmer’s barrister.

Rupert can now shuffle off this mortal coil with a smile plastered across his testicular face, knowing his golden boy Starmer will have a majority of around 170 to play with.

The British and American establishment security states have got the result they wanted. Starmer — a demonstrable asset of the aforementioned corrupt institutions — is a pair of hands that is so safe for the global elite, they wouldn’t replace him with Jordan Pickford.

The Neo-Thatcherite Tories have got the result they wanted. After years in the political wilderness — which is exactly where the free market fucktrumpets belong — Keir Starmer has offered them a safe home and presented them with an ideology from the 1980s, thrown in a blender with an ideology from the 1990s, and the greedy, self-serving parasites made the Labour Party their new political home.

Tories delivering a Labour government

Natural Tory voters have just delivered a Labour government.

Israel has got the result they wanted. Little Rishi was so caught up with one Tory crisis after another he took his eye off the ball, and didn’t grovel to the Knesset for at least one of the last two hundred and seventy three days and seventy six years of brutal genocide. Starmer won’t make that mistake. If you thought Russian money in British politics was an issue just wait until you find out the pro-Israel lobby fund at least thirteen of Starmer’s last shadow cabinet.

One thing I can absolutely guarantee you won’t hear a word about on the BBC, Sky, or any other mainstream media outlet over the coming hours is who actually funded Labour’s general election victory. Indeed, you have a better chance of Tommy Robinson becoming a minister without portfolio in Starmer’s first cabinet.

It should really go without saying, pro-Israel businessman, Stuart Roden, donated more than half-a-million pounds prior to tonight.

Roden — who funds a Zionist education project — was joined by fellow pro-Israel millionaire, Gary Lubner, who donated £900,000 during the election campaign, on top of the £4.5 million he had already gifted to Starmer’s Tory tribute act.

More exit poll questions than answers

The exit poll, at this early stage, has created more questions than it has answered:

Have the Farage party really picked up 13 seats, and is the frog-faced bigot one of them?

  • Will little Rishi Sunak become the first ever sitting prime minister to lose his seat?
  • Will Jeremy Hunt become the first ever sitting chancellor to lose his seat?
  • Are the SNP — one of the more moderate voices in parliament — really on course to lose more than three-quarters of their seats?
  • Are the Liberal Democrats really on course for their best ever general election poll?

You know what will happen if England beat Switzerland on Saturday in the European Championship quarter finals, don’t you?


“KEIR WE GO, KEIR WE GO, KEIR WE GO”, says the Mirror.


It’s going to be a hell of a long night, folks. Stay with the Canary and the fantastic Rachel Charlton-Dailey for continued coverage throughout the night.

Featured image via Rachael Swindon

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